Sunday, February 8, 2009

------------Watch At Your Own Risk-------------

How stupid can you get? I ask this question the modern cinema, who had such promise to deliver better surreal, fantasy, horror and sci-fi movies. It had to unite with modern CGI technology and give us the thrills and chills. In theory at least. It's all relative people say and I would have to agree. The producers agree that movies like the ones I list will be exciting for they will try to fill their pockets, while viewers will think the movies are exciting for entertainment value. I am not going to review this movie stupidity trinity, but as a rational individual who values his brain matter, I feel it's my duty to warn others like myself.

“Passengers”: We have Anne Hathaway, Patrick Wilson and an interesting premise. The fisrt 20 minutes carried a certain air of mystery and promise to become chilling or at least a decent mind fuck. No such thing. The script writer simply said to himself "Let's make say and do the same, but on different set". And on it goes, Anne sporting the same response pattern over and over again, while playing a shrink, which not so obvious, since she doesn't get to do her job much. Something happens and wham we learn that everyone is actually dead. You can obviously see copy-pasted sections from more successful projects such as "Lost", "Sixth Sense" and "The Others". For me this was a make it or break it situation and the actors failed this battle, even though they tried valiantly.

“The Day The Earth Stood Still”: Inviting title, great success with its first run back in the 50s, Keanu and Connelly. Sounds something you might want to watch. Nah, wrong answer. Do not. If you have not watched this by now, then pretend to be busy enough to never set eyes on it. Back in the 50s sci-fi had a meaning for Americans, the Internet tells you interesting things behind every rise and fall. The original movie had a purpose back in that historic background. This does not. This is another example of the general rule: "Do NOT make Remakes". Sure, the effects were cool and the actors were good with frozen faces of drama, angst and personal doom, but inevitably you ask yourself after glaring stupidly “Where’s the point?” There isn’t any.

“The Haunting of Molly Hartley” is the worst so far, because it even doesn't qualify to be included into it's genre and namely horror. If you wan't to go horribly wrong all the way with a movie, that this is like hitting the jackpot. This flick is is high form of self inflicted sadomasochism. I can't describe it. Just imagine everything that you can think of horror and be prepared that you won't come around it anywhere during the 1 hour 30 something run. The actress tried and I think most of the time she went into hysterics, because she realized she signed for the dumbest movie ever and can't escape. I suggest you watch it, if you have too many brain cells you wish to exterminate.

This has been the official Spit-On post, where I bash with pure and concentrated bile, but I am doing so not because it's super empowering and easy to be a hater [I do know the benefits, but I hate quietly in my mind], because the people behind each production didn't think about the art form and the people that will watch these abominations and waste their time. They calculated how many zeros will hop into theit pockets. An overall classification: “Watch at Your Own Risk.”


T.D. Newton said...

Ha, thanks for the warning.

My Blog 2.0 said...

Hi daydream

Hollywood has been sending out crap lately, but with the writer's strike (which would not have happened if the people making movie could have absorbed some of the missing brain cells of the viewing public), there is little else they have to sell. We just have to wait for the summer movies, and hope for better.

Thanks for the truthful review


cj said...

The original "The Day The Earth Stood Still" was an amazing movie and I was appalled by what they did to it in that sorry remake. No, I did not go to see it.


Princess Haiku said...

Thanks for the dire warnings.

daydream said...

Good that you all know.
I am personally notorious among friends as the walking IMDB and I find it a civil duty to warn you, when I hit so many rotten apples. It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.

CaroleMcDonnell said...

Ah, the day the earth stood still. UFO-theology is all the rage right now. Didn't you know? -C

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